Snowbound

Spring just can't get here fast enough.

In Scale: The 1979 Cadillac Coupe DeVille

I'm a big fan of stupid projects. So when I saw this cheesy model of a 1979 Cadillac Coupe DeVille lowrider in the clearance bin at a local department store, I knew I'd regret it later on if I didn't buy it and paint it up to look like mine.

First I peeled off the ridiculous-looking diamond stickers on the hood and trunk, as well as the ones down the doors that said "ICE MACHINE." Then I used masking tape to tape off the quarter roof and hood ornament.

Then I sprayed it and left it to dry. When that was done, I peeled the masking tape off of the quarter roof, used some silver modeling paint to paint the car where the real one would be chrome, and put it back together.

Pretty neat, huh?

Home Again: 1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme!

Here it is; the addition to the fleet that I told you about! Thanks to my good friend Dan honoring a gentleman's agreement we had about his letting me know first if he were to ever part with the car, the 1977 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme I sold him a short while ago is now back in my possession, this time for a little bit longer, I hope. Space was limited before, which was one of the reasons I cited for its initial sale, but thanks to my friend Silvester, the person who informed me of this car's existence in the first place, it now has a permanent parking space in his front yard. My new low budget summer cruiser is here to stay! "But what about the '79 Coupe DeVille," you ask. That car can be purchased for the paltry sum of $1195 or best reasonable offer. People wishing to return it to its original splendor and save it from a life of hydraulics or 24-inch spinners take precedence over ghetto rats. Sorry, but it'd be nice to see at least a few stay the way they came.

Busy Busy Busy

"Where have you been?" my faithful readers ask (Yeah, I find it hard to believe that I have 'em too.). Between work and class and secret projects, I've been away from the site for a bit, but not to worry. Great things are on the horizon, I assure you; an interesting addition to the fleet is only days away!

1989 Oldsmobile Toronado: Future Classic Sold?!

Being a long-term subscriber of Hemmings Motor News (stealing my father's), I've been reading their magazine section since there has been a magazine section. I think the auction coverage section is great, love the buyer profiles, and think the occasional top ten lists are always interesting. This month, in the March 2006 issue, the magazine featured an article called Sleepers 2006: The Top Ten Collector Cars of the Future. In my opinion, most of the cars in this article are absolute garbage that I would not pay a single cent to own, but one of them stuck out to me. Amongst the likes of the Honda CRX, the Chevrolet Chevette Diesel, and the AMC Matador was the 1988-1992 Oldsmobile Toronado. This was interesting to me as I owned a 1989 model with the FE3 Sport Suspension package for a brief time in the summer of 2004. And while I knew of the car's rarity at the time (less than 10,000 units across both trim levels and all option combinations), I never once considered it to be collectible. Unique? Definitely. Weird? Absolutely! But collectible? I don't know about that one. Here's what Hemmings had to say about it:

"The Trofeo (Italian for "trophy") was Oldsmobile's answer to European luxury cars. Debuted as a separate model in 1988, it was GM's attempt to add some sizzle to the slow-selling Toronado. The Trofeo offered sporty bucket seats, monochromatic paint, and a sport-tuned suspension; 1989 saw the arrival of the high-tech, touch screen Visual Information Center. Power was provided by a 3.8-liter V6 coupled to a four-speed automatic transmission, backed by capable suspension that could have handled much more oomph. The classy Trofeo is certainly one of the most handsome GM designs of its era; with good examples available for $2000, there will never be a better time to put one in your garage."

When I bought my '89 Toronado in the summer of 2004, the idea of a future investment was the furthest thing from my mind. Three weeks after I had finished fixing it from the first accident, my 1990 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme was totalled, thanks to a kid who was high and pulled out of a side street without looking. The insurance company ended up giving me $1800 for it; $1200 of which I spent on this strange machine. The interior was like nothing I've ever seen before. It had eight-way power seats for both driver and passenger, an aircraft-style shifter not seen in GM cars since the early 1970's, a slave tape deck that loaded vertically, and an all-digital dashboard with enough buttons to make your head spin; it could express your fuel economy six different ways!

My goodness, will you look at all those buttons! The 1989 Oldsmobile Toronado had buttons for functions that haven't even been invented yet! The interior was definitely the coolest feature of the car, as the rest of it was quite a nightmare. Did it have low miles? Sure it did; only 89,000 and change when I bought it, but it had obviously sat for a long time. This car was so buttered back together it wasn't even funny. Sure, it looked good on the outside, and all my friends thought it was mint; good thing they weren't around the day the rear bumper support turned to dust in my hands. Or the day the starter burnt itself out because it never disengaged one day when I started it. Or when the oil cooler leaked transmission fluid into the engine coolant. Or the day the cooling fans stopped working because a broken ballast resistor allowed the wire leading to them to burn all the way across. Did I mention it was also quite visibly in an accident and that the nose of the car was a hodgepodge of parts from three different cars?

To the untrained eye the nose of this car may look normal, but to someone like myself, who is an expert on both junk and General Motors E-cars (Oldsmobile Toronado/Buick Riviera/Cadillac Eldorado), it's a total shit show. Forget the fact that the grille inserts that go under the headlight covers are missing on both sides; in this shot we can see the bumper and grille of a 1989 Toronado Trofeo with the headlight covers and passenger's side parking light from a 1988 model, and a 1986-1987 driver's side parking light, all sagging magnificently from the cracked headlight mounting panel which is attached to a badly creased and bent up radiator support. Couple it with the cheapest Maaco paint job known to man in an early 90's Mazda burgundy that's only about three shades off from the original and you're rolling in style. I'm not one to nickname cars, but if I were, I think "overspray" would be fitting of my '89 Toronado. I ended up selling it to a roofer from the next town over for $500 after I blew the transmission, and last saw it for sale again this past summer in the yard of a man that lives not a quarter of a mile from me after it made another 2,000 miles before it became completely undriveable, this time customized with Oldsmobile emblems made from the finest small metallic mailbox letters money can buy. Future classic? Maybe some, but certainly not this one!

At least it sounded neat with a Flowmaster on it.